One of my previous posts is called ‘Watching the Wheels’, which is taken from a Lennon lyric. The full chorus runs, ‘I’m just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round, I really love to watch them roll. No longer riding on the merry-go-round. I just had to let it go.’ Lennon was of course talking about taking some time out from his music career to spend with his son, Sean.
That resonates strongly in me – I’m letting things go for a little while. Hopefully not on the list is my sanity, but violently scrawled there in black ink is the stress that had built up inside me from operating in an environment that essentially excluded reality from proceedings.
I lost some of myself over the last couple of years. I learned how to hold my tongue, which may play well for me at some stage in life, but I also lost confidence in being able stand up and speak the truth. Truth and common sense are absolutes and I won’t let anyone drown them in front of me again. There were times when I wanted to walk away from it all, and I came close more than once. Now, hand-in-hand with the woman I love, I have taken the first steps back toward understanding myself again.
So that’s why I’m still arriving, part by part, as aspects of my mind tumble after me to China. I’m letting go. Watching the wheels. Gathering myself up for the next 15 years and more. Sanity and truth rule: I won’t ever forget that again.
Meanwhile, in another glint in the prism, I went on a lovely bike ride yesterday...
1 comments:
Awesome Cas, glad to have you back!
:)
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